Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Something amusing...to me at least
So my baby girl, Emi, has been sick lately. Her retarded mommy decided to switch her food and was not intelligent enough to do it gradually, albeit she and daddy were only concerned she wasn't getting enough nutrients from the cooked meals I have been making them (yes, I'm a doggy chef). Anyway, Emi's tummy was unappreciative of the effort and she has been suffering major consequences. The 1st night, at 3:00 a.m., bless her little heart, I was awoken by her 'lemme the hell outta here signal', which is a looooong, continuous, soft, pitiful whine. How I heard it I'll never know. I jumped out of bed, grabbed a t-shirt and shorts--sans bra and panties, threw them on and dashed out the door grabbing a handful of paper towels. Thank goodness, because she didn't even make to the stairs. So I am standing in the hallway realizing that, one, it has to be cleaned up, and two, that I still have to get her 3 flights down to the sidewalk and the dog run because surely she is not finished. I quickly reach down and try to swipe up the mess and continue hurrying down the hall to the stairs. Baby girl is pulling with all her might down the 1st of the 3 flights of stairs and I am trying desperately to keep up with her and keep my balance with a leash in one hand and a handful of crap in the other and at this very moment, my freakishly-big shorts decide they're gonna fall off. Mortified, I am trying to figure out what the hell I'm gonna do as they slip further down my legs. By some miracle Emi stops pulling just long enough for me to grab a hold of my shorts with my leash hand and now I am clambering down the stairs behind her once again with one hand grasping my waistband and one hand above my head with crap in it. Somehow I get down the stairs without breaking my neck or losing my pants and showing everyone my who-who. I had to stop a minute and laugh at the ludicrousness of the situation and hope to God no one was watching the whole fiasco. And as crazy as it sounds, even if I hadn't been able to save them from falling to my ankles, I really couldn't be happier that my shorts are falling off me!!!!