Disappointed

For the last couple of days something has been irritating me to no end and that is, what in the hell possesses people to develop such disregard for other human beings? This holds true in so many facets of life, but specifically, why is it that some feel as if they are allowed to go through life thinking people owe them something and that everyone else is responsible for taking care of them? That they are in no way responsible for taking care of themselves, much less anyone else, i.e., children? It makes me so mad I could fucking scream. I can name a couple of cases that are somewhat personal to me, but the truth of the matter is, I see it way more than often than I wish I had to. These certain people are taking advantage of people I happen to care for, which leads me to believe I am entitled to bitch about it. And what may be more disturbing is that these well-meaning loved ones of mine are partially--if not completely--to blame.

As a whole, we have become a society that is self-centered, irresponsible and unaccountable (among other things). We want to blame anyone but ourselves and are always seeking someone to bail us out—from those on government assistance all the way up to the government itself. We are forever searching for someone to right our wrongs and fix our mistakes. It's utterly disgusting. How many times do I have to say that it's not the banks' fault that we overdraw ourselves, it's not the credit card companies' fault that we overextend ourselves, and it sure in the fuck isn’t McDonald's fault that we're obese?!?! It couldn't POSSIBLY be that we’re just greedy. It couldn't be that we want to do and spend and eat whatever we want and THEN...wait for it...not be held liable for our reckless ways and want someone to blame and to fix it.

I am certainly not innocent in all this myself. I have been extremely lazy and self-indulgent for quite some time now. Thank goodness I figured this out before my health suffered irreparably. I was also married for 10 years and take full responsibility for my part in what was ultimately the demise of our marriage. And I had an out. I had everyone I knew and some that I didn't telling me that I was in no way at fault. That I did everything I could and that I did more than what the vast majority of women in my shoes would have done. Yeah, I had an out and I still never blamed him completely. I had a spouse who had a drug and alcohol problem and I chose to overlook it. I did everything he wanted and gave him anything he even thought he wanted--and then tried to be upset when things got out of control. I will never forget a friend saying very early on in my marriage that I had created a monster. And I had. I was equally responsible for the management of our finances, our spending habits and our overindulgence--even if I wasn't the one putting the coke up my nose.

We overspent, we lived above our means, we indulged, indulged, indulged and then when we got into a bind, we stuck our hand out. Looking back it was disgusting and I have no clue how we justified it in our heads. The lesson I learned? We can't and shouldn't have everything we want or think we want. We work hard, we take care of our responsibilities and then, yes, SOMETIMES we get to splurge.

I get up and go to work every day because I have to. Because I'm an adult and that's what adults do. I have responsibilities, and it may only be to myself (I have no kids that don't have fur or 4 legs), but isn't that enough? Don't even get me started on the ones who have kids and have the nerve not to work. I know entirely too many people who do the absolute BARE MINIMUM, if that, and even more that don't work at all. What in the fuck gives them the right? You pay for a roof over your head, you pay for utilities if you don't want to sweat like a pig or watch TV or play on the internet, you pay for your transportation--be it a car, bike or bus, and you pay to feed your own face. You don't depend on any number of people to provide these things for you and then, God forbid, have the nerve to complain about it. ANY PART OF "IT"--whatever "it" may be. Complaining about the kind of food provided (or not provided), the type of transportation, and, my personal favorite, the speed of the internet. Really? REALLY? Someone needs to punch these people in the face. Hard.

The same goes for addressing my health and weight issues. No, it isn’t hard. Yes, I eat what I want. No one ever said you can’t have things you like—you just can’t have them every day. Hence the word, splurge. What happened to everything in moderation? I lost sight of that concept just like anyone else. Some people love to drink. Well why don’t you go try drinking as much as you want, whenever you want, and see where that gets you. Not much in this world was meant to be enjoyed in excess.

Now for the enablers. And boy do I know about this one. If I hadn't killed myself (back then, sometimes clocking 120+ hours a week) to make sure my ex-husband had everything he could have possibly wanted (that I could make happen within my means, of course), then he wouldn't have had it; simple as that. I don’t say that to be mean, but the fact of the matter is these ridiculously skewed people usually cannot take care of themselves; much less indulge in the "luxuries" in life on their own. Since when do we get to just decide we want these things but don't have to work to get them? And by luxuries I mean drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, video games, various forms entertainment--whatever--and even vacations. You have got to be kidding me. I can't even remember the last time I went on a vacation and I go to work every freaking day and have 40 days of paid time off a year. Literally--eight weeks.

This brings me back to my initial question. What the hell makes these people feel entitled to take advantage of other people? People they supposedly care about, no less, and that obviously care about them. Okay, I get it, early on it may have been because they were spoiled. But at some point, how do you not grow up, look around and see how selfish and lazy you look amongst everyone else? Or heaven forbid, want to return the favor or give back to that person who, more often than not, has sacrificed EVERYTHING for your sorry ass? Whether you are taking advantage of your spouse, your friends, your parents or your grandparents, how do you look at yourself in the mirror? OHHHHHH, that's right. We don't look in the fucking mirror.

I am watching 4 women, in 4 vastly different relationships, being taken advantage of every day by sorry sacks of shit. Seriously, I am. And every one of these women are near 60 or above and still working their asses off while a 20-something, a 30-something, a 40-something and a 50-something meander their way through their pathetic existences, blaming everyone for their failures and finding it acceptable to take, take, take and give nothing. Fuck money, I mean complaining about lifting a finger. And heaven help us, one of them is about to become a father. Not to mention the jerks who have the nerve to beg for money for ludicrous things on FB or complain about not wanting to get a job AND THEY HAVE CHILDREN. And then I'm supposed to feel sorry for them and give up my hard-earned money (or feel bad when I don’t) when they need medical care or food or to pay off fines or a ride somewhere or gas in their cars (undoubtedly to go somewhere they have no business going and can obviously not afford). I am certainly not justifying my own actions, but even when I was not being responsible with my money I was never not working. Anyone who knows me knows that I haven't a qualm in the world with helping those in need. Hell, I had my freaking head bashed in with a beer bottle by a homeless person who didn't like me helping another homeless person. But those who are fully capable and CHOOSE not to help themselves? Well, they make me want to run them over with my truck and put them out of their misery.

I realize that bitching on this blog that no one reads will not solve a damn thing. But maybe, just maybe, someone who needs a wake-up call will read this and think I’m talking about them. By the way, if you have to wonder or ask yourself this question, I probably am. And maybe they will open their eyes and realize the people they supposedly love are killing themselves to try to help someone who isn’t even close to deserving it and by some miracle they’ll develop a fucking conscience. Until then I suppose I will continue to do what I can to help, bitch about the rest online and keep an eye out for these losers whenever I’m behind the wheel.